Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Freud Was Right

Day 2 of missing Bentley.  I miss having him around as company more than anything else.  It is so lonely, and so quiet here.  No soft purring, no stretching, no yawning, no meows in the morning when it is time to feed him, no meowing at the door waiting for me to come home.  I am so lonely and so sad without him.

I have his footprint in clay (see last post), and oddly enough I have two vials of his blood.  This sounds really gross, and I'm sure everyone reading this is uncomfortable with the thought of me having his blood, and I would probably be really repulsed by this in other circumstances considering my vegetarianism.... but it is oddly comforting.  I will probably hang on to it for a little while longer until I give it back to the vet.

I think I am actually handling this pretty well.  I know I could be a lot worse.  No matter how much I am grieving now, it becomes more obvious that I should probably look to get another kitty.  I liked having feline company with me.  While no cat is going to be as awesome or going to have such an incredible history involving feats of gratitude, inheritance, and human kindness (a la Margaret), I know that without a kitty in my life I am going to grieve Bentley even more.  And continue to ask why he had to leave me all by myself.

No kitty will replace Bentley, but I need a new roommate to heal my loneliness.  And I think Bentley is sad he had to leave me by myself, which is why he acted nonchalant and even tried to spend as much time with me as he could on my lap, despite his very uncomfortable breathing situation.

Time spent with cats is never wasted.
-Sigmund Freud


  1. It's ironic that his purring you awake is fondly remembered when its gone while it was a reason to move to a one bed room before. Its also interesting to note that you express some of the same feeling that spouses feel after a loss.

    You will feel happiness and friendship again, but Bentley will forever be special. And there is nothing wrong with that.

  2. I realized my cat was actually 5yrs old now and that some day soon I'll go through what you're experiencing which made me think... You might try fostering a few different cats for a while, the benefit of letting an older cat who has been in a shelter for a long time be in a home environment for a few days can help them so much and it might help you if you have any reservations about adopting a new cat in general.